Family Amnesia
Family amnesia is an appropriate term when things go wrong and you go into denial. Life goes on, the saying goes and no one shall speak the truth. But what happens with the people who know about it and have no one to talk to. It is a destroyer of ones ability to live honestly, but how much honesty is appropriate?
I believe damage comes from unspoken secrets. The damage is not always easily noticed immediately but can have lasting effects. It is amazing how secretive some families are. Is this just out of pride or insecurity? Family balances are delicate, so one rocking the boat can leave the family topside. The pressure is great and therefore no one breaks the code of silence.
What is truly unhealthy about this is people end up eating their knowledge, distorting their truths, acting out or absorbing it into the way they cope in their lives. My belief is it is better to speak up, but use tact with how you do so. When I searched the net about family issues that came to mind, I found very little support for the feelings I was having.
I’ll end this post with a beautifully written piece from losing tom.
“One example is the realization that my father never talked about his own father (my grandfather Charles Williams) who committed suicide in 1943 when my father was almost 13. Although it is not uncommon for death by suicide to not be openly discussed and for shame and guilt to often surround suicide, it remains unhealthy. I never thought about my grandfather as either a presence or absence. Because he was so effectively erased from the family history, he did not exist for me.”
-njppa
